Things I’ll never say as a mum

Even though I am one now, sometimes other mums annoy me. In my child-free days I used to tense up inside every time I heard certain phrases but I would never voice my annoyance because what did I know? I wasn’t a mum. Well I am now and they still annoy me so this is my rant and the list of thing you will NEVER hear me say (and if you do, you have my full permission to punch me in the face).

You don’t know the meaning of the word tired 

Arrgh! Where do I start? Parents are not the only people allowed to be tired! Believe me, I know how exhausting it is to have a baby who won’t go to sleep or a toddler who runs around like a crazy person all day but that doesn’t mean that I’m the only one allowed to yawn once in a while.

The tiredness I have felt as a mum doesn’t outweigh the tiredness I felt when I’d stayed up all night to write an essay or had a night out and then gone to work the next day. Yes, the tiredness as a new mum can be relentless but you do get used to it. I never begrudge any childless friend or colleague a yawn or a moan at how tired they are and it annoys me when other parents do.

When you have kids…

I’ve heard this one a lot. An assumption that young men and women will procreate. You know, they don’t have to or maybe can’t? I’ve been in a few uncomfortable situations before I was a mum and since where people have used the phrase ‘when you have kids…’ and it’s usually followed up by something quite patronising like ‘you’ll not go out to the pub so much’ or ‘you won’t spend that much on a dress’. I don’t know why being a mum makes it ok to say things like that. Not everybody knows people’s personal situations about children. They might not be able to have kids or, God forbid, might not want them. If you don’t, it doesn’t make you a bad person and we can still definitely be friends.

You can’t spend than much on a handbag nowadays 

Yes I can. Handbags are my thing and no amount of children will change that. I may have to cut back on a few things (kids don’t really need new toys) but I’ll get my fix somehow. I’ll also never let anyone else feel guilty about how the spend their hard earned cash.

Oh we don’t do those things anymore, we’re mums now 

Now this is one that I’ve been bunched in with. Usually when a childless friend or colleague is filling me in on a wild night out or holiday and another mum pipes up that she can’t do those things anymore and drags me down with her. This is most annoying because it’s usually true but just let me pretend for one Goddamn minute Janine! (FYI Janine doesn’t exist, I don’t even know a Janine).


  1. Jill
    April 27, 2017 / 7:14 am

    I think my least fav is when people say ‘do you think you’ll have another one’ literally the day after bringing your little bundle home. There is not enough coffee in the world for that at the moment, janine!! 🙄

    • admin
      May 8, 2017 / 6:02 pm

      We all have a Janine 😂

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