Do we really need mum friends?

When I was pregnant, I read countless blogs, books and baby bibles about mum friends. ‘Find other mums to hang out with’, they said. ‘No one else will understand what you’re going through’, ‘you must only talk to other humans who have procreated’! Now I have nothing against making friends purely because they have children the same age as yours, but I actually haven’t made any mum friends myself.

I have plenty of acquaintances but I haven’t had any coffee dates or nights out with parents I’ve met at mummy groups or antenatal classes. This is because, and I don’t mean this to sound mean, I’d rather see my other friends. As an only child with cousins a similar age living in France, I’ve relied heavily on my friends over the years and I have some bloody good ones. At this point in my life, the people who I choose to socialise with are the ones who have been there for me (and I hope vise versa) and who I know I’ll be friends with for the rest of my days. I have friends living in various places across the world and so the time I spend with them is precious.

I think baby books like to instil fear into new mums and like to over prepare them. I did read one article that stuck with me. It said that when you’re a new mum, you won’t feel connected to your friends without kids as they simply won’t understand and you won’t want to discuss the trivial things you used to. This is crap. I love discussing trivial things and believe me, some of my childless friends have been through some big things themselves that I don’t necessarily understand.  Just because they haven’t experienced something, it doesn’t mean you can’t share it or that they don’t want to hear about it. Frankly, if you have friends who don’t want to hear about your journey as a new mum, then you probably shouldn’t be friends.

That being said, I am incredibly lucky that two of my friends (and close neighbours) fell pregnant at the same time as me and we spent a lot of time together and still do. If I didn’t have them, I may be feeling differently about the mum friends thing and might have had to actively  seek out another parent to cling on to in the maternity leave days.

Mum friends can be great but don’t ditch the non-parents in the early days. It’s all just another experience to share with good friends.

 

5 Comments

  1. May 5, 2017 / 7:16 pm

    You sound like you have the luck of the draw there with your friends which is lovely. I found that many non child friends tended to drift away over time anyway. Maybe they weren’t that good friends in the end, but it was hard to find time to go out with them when I couldn’t drink, stay out late or even get a babysitter and so it was hard to keep the bind strong. Whatever anyone can find in terms of friendship during these years is OK in my book.

    • Queen Mummy
      May 5, 2017 / 7:23 pm

      I admit, I am really lucky. I think if it had been 5 – 10 years ago, there definitely would have been some friends that I would have drifted away from after having my child but it turns out that I’ve drifted away from them naturally before I got pregnant. I lot of my close friends have now gone on to have babies themselves but some of my closest friends are childless and I’m glad to say that it doesn’t affect our friendship. You’re right though, any friendship you can form is fantastic.

  2. Marie Hamilton
    May 10, 2017 / 12:45 pm

    I loved reading this because I am the friend who does not have a child and most of my friends are moms. I know that I may not understand what it is like to be in my mommy friends shoes, but never the less I am there to listen and help in any way I can. There is certainly more compromise needed to maintain these friendships so that you do not drift apart, but a true friend is there for you baby or not:)

    • Queen Mummy
      May 11, 2017 / 8:04 pm

      Very true. About half of my friends are mums and the other half are not.
      They are all equally as important to me and I never want to lose any of them. Thank you for commenting. 😀

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