I really like dogs but I have no desire to own one. They’re needy, messy, smelly and noisy – exactly like children and I already have one of those. I sometimes hear other parents get annoyed when childless folk compare puppy owning to raising a small child but it doesn’t annoy me. To be honest, hearing stories from my puppy owning friends, I think they do sound pretty similar. Here are some ways that I think toddlers and puppies might not be that different. These are also the reasons that we have a cat.

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When I was pregnant, I read countless blogs, books and baby bibles about mum friends. ‘Find other mums to hang out with’, they said. ‘No one else will understand what you’re going through’, ‘you must only talk to other humans who have procreated’! Now I have nothing against making friends purely because they have children the same age as yours, but I actually haven’t made any mum friends myself. View Post

Whoever says, ‘I slept like a baby’ has clearly never had one. Either that or they’re one of those annoying parents whose children are ‘good sleepers’. Don’t you just hate them? The Queen has never been a good sleeper and adults are weirdly obsessed by this. Honestly, whenever I meet a new person and tell them I have a young child, the very first thing they ask is ‘is she a good sleeper?’ To this I usually say, ‘no, she’s crap’ and hope that this kills the conversation and luckily for me, it usually does.

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Even though I am one now, sometimes other mums annoy me. In my child-free days I used to tense up inside every time I heard certain phrases but I would never voice my annoyance because what did I know? I wasn’t a mum. Well I am now and they still annoy me so this is my rant and the list of thing you will NEVER hear me say (and if you do, you have my full permission to punch me in the face).

You don’t know the meaning of the word tired 

Arrgh! Where do I start? Parents are not the only people allowed to be tired! Believe me, I know how exhausting it is to have a baby who won’t go to sleep or a toddler who runs around like a crazy person all day but that doesn’t mean that I’m the only one allowed to yawn once in a while. View Post

 

In the past year, a few of my friends have had babies and they’ve all asked me the same question – how bad is going back to work after maternity leave? And I always have the same answer – the thought of going back is so much worse than actually going. It’s the same with anything you don’t really want to do, like going to the dentist, attending a lecture or getting a smear test (because let’s face it, after childbirth it’s a walk in the park am I right?!?).

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